This can be a sensitive topic, yet the original question was asked by someone who is currently undergoing chemo treatments for a cancer diagnosis: "Truth...about what I've been struggling with lately: Feeling deserving of love when I have cancer. Sometimes I feel guilty about letting people love me because if I let myself be a big part of their lives it'll only hurt so much more when I leave. It makes me wonder: am I actively hurting others if I let them love me?"
My 2 cents (not only to this person, but to all facing similar situations and feelings) are to always take a step back and look at it from an outside perspective. For example, what if you are not the one going through the cancer and treatments? And let's say your best friend, or your brother or sister, close relative, or even one of your parents told you that they had cancer and then asked you not to love him/her anymore so that you won't hurt so much when they leave? Could you honestly walk away to avoid pain? If so, then perhaps this advice blog is not for you. If you are the type to easily walk away to avoid pain and suffering because a loved one may possibly leave the earth at anytime, I invite you to write in the comments to explain if you'd like.
Because from my experience, I have not yet known anyone who has given up loving those that they love despite an "illness." So, by knowing that you yourself would not all of a sudden stop loving/caring for someone close to you, you can then introspect and ask yourself what exactly you have to feel guilty about? You can also ask yourself questions like:
1) Should I continue to feel guilty or should I continue to be grateful and count my blessings?
2) What's more important to me right now?
3) If I were to leave this planet tomorrow, am I happy about my choices today?
4) What makes me smile?
5) How can I move forward with promoting my healing and happiness?
6) What can I do right now that makes me feel empowered?
7) Who do I enjoy being with/talking to?
Answers to some/most/all of those questions should hopefully guide you back to a state of being that you would like to be in and give you reasons to allow people to love you. Death is unfortunately inevitable--everyone left behind will need to face it--whether it's a sudden accident, cancer, illness, or plain old age...so I truly think it won't be in anyone's best interest to dwell too much on hurting others since in the long run, the ones left behind will face the pain and loss regardless. I feel like it's a part of the human experience. I'd say it's better to enjoy life a day at a time! :)
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Disclaimer: As always my feedback is meant to help guide one to their true intuition and not a set "prescribed formula" that goes above any expert analysis. I'm always open to others opinions and constructive feedback.
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Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
How do we deal with people who complain all the time?
First of all there is no "easy" way to deal with people who complain or share negative thoughts and emotions on a constant basis. Depending on the scenario, I've indicated a couple below, along with possible solutions.
Scene 1: You are a college student and your roommate is the culprit. You thought college would be a great experience, however your roommate who was your friend in high school has been complaining about several things. For example, their physical appearance, not being good enough, not getting any good dates, and more. You find yourself having to constantly praise him/her and try your best to continue to find unique ways of uplifting this person. It starts becoming exhausting and you don't know what else to do, so you start to avoid this person, even finding reasons to come home late at night so that you won't have to converse and you can simple say you are tired and get ready for bed.
Solution A:
If the friendship matters to you and you would like to maintain it long term, try to schedule a roommate date for ice/cream or coffee/tea or even a meal (breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner). During this meal, try a heart to heart conversation letting him/her know your concerns. If the friendship also matters to that person, you will notice that he/she will hear you out, and be mindful of what grief they may be causing you and choose to rectify the situation or find a compromise. This talk can also help you decide if the friendship is worth keeping. If the response is not something that feels right and good (for example if the response is that something like your friend is telling you that you are out of your mind, paranoid, or you are being blamed for anything, or other negative outcome), then it's best to take a step back and re-examine the friendship. If this is the case, you may want to let the person know that the friendship is not going to work for you and hope that you can be civil while you finish out the lease agreement.
Solution B:
If the friendship does not matter to you anymore, nor do you feel it's worth investing time repairing, you may go on avoiding if you feel it's the best possible choice and hopefully you both can remain civil with each other until the lease ends.
*******************************************
Scene 2:
You are a working professional and the negativity comes from one or several coworkers. You may have tried to approach each person individually to no avail or you have tried to bury yourself in your work to ignore any destructive behaviors but perhaps you find yourself noticing cliques that seem to thrive in gossip. However the longer you remain silent, the more you feel tortured whenever you are exposed to others who are either passive aggressive bullies, who complain about the job itself or others, or perhaps when you observe others not doing as much work and getting away with unfavorable actions.
Solution A:
Similar to the above, you may need to ask yourself if maintaining a good working relationship is important to you. If so and if you haven't already, try scheduling a break or meal to try and talk to the person that you interact with the most in your workplace. It would be best to schedule these kind of meetings separately with people so it won't come off as an ambush. Once you reveal your concerns, you will find out soon enough how the discussion goes on how you feel afterwards. If you are left at all feeling like the person does not see eye-to-eye with you or if you feel like the conversation didn't go anywhere, then the next thing to decide is if you would like to continue in that specific workplace. If so, and if the situation continues to get worse, you may want to consider taking your concerns to upper management and move up the chain if need be. It could also help to have a mediator iron out any inequalities in the workplace or any other unfairness you may be experiencing.
Solution B:
If you are the type of person who does not care to maintain civil/good working relationships, and if you would rather bury yourself in your work (especially if you are good and passionate about your job); then even though others are complainers, etc.; you can learn to master the art of not letting anything adverse affect your work! Thus you may continue to ignore everyone bringing you grief for as long as you can handle it or until another promotion lands your way.
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While there may be other possible solutions to each scenario, the solutions offered may help one develop peace of mind, if that is ultimately what is desired. Through my life, I've gone through phases as either an avoider or confronter. If you are a confronter, it helps to have genuine & diplomatic ways of presenting concerns. We are allowed to pick and choose the one that contributes most to our well-being. It would be great to hear other takes on the matter, so don't be shy to add comments!
Scene 1: You are a college student and your roommate is the culprit. You thought college would be a great experience, however your roommate who was your friend in high school has been complaining about several things. For example, their physical appearance, not being good enough, not getting any good dates, and more. You find yourself having to constantly praise him/her and try your best to continue to find unique ways of uplifting this person. It starts becoming exhausting and you don't know what else to do, so you start to avoid this person, even finding reasons to come home late at night so that you won't have to converse and you can simple say you are tired and get ready for bed.
Solution A:
If the friendship matters to you and you would like to maintain it long term, try to schedule a roommate date for ice/cream or coffee/tea or even a meal (breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner). During this meal, try a heart to heart conversation letting him/her know your concerns. If the friendship also matters to that person, you will notice that he/she will hear you out, and be mindful of what grief they may be causing you and choose to rectify the situation or find a compromise. This talk can also help you decide if the friendship is worth keeping. If the response is not something that feels right and good (for example if the response is that something like your friend is telling you that you are out of your mind, paranoid, or you are being blamed for anything, or other negative outcome), then it's best to take a step back and re-examine the friendship. If this is the case, you may want to let the person know that the friendship is not going to work for you and hope that you can be civil while you finish out the lease agreement.
Solution B:
If the friendship does not matter to you anymore, nor do you feel it's worth investing time repairing, you may go on avoiding if you feel it's the best possible choice and hopefully you both can remain civil with each other until the lease ends.
*******************************************
Scene 2:
You are a working professional and the negativity comes from one or several coworkers. You may have tried to approach each person individually to no avail or you have tried to bury yourself in your work to ignore any destructive behaviors but perhaps you find yourself noticing cliques that seem to thrive in gossip. However the longer you remain silent, the more you feel tortured whenever you are exposed to others who are either passive aggressive bullies, who complain about the job itself or others, or perhaps when you observe others not doing as much work and getting away with unfavorable actions.
Solution A:
Similar to the above, you may need to ask yourself if maintaining a good working relationship is important to you. If so and if you haven't already, try scheduling a break or meal to try and talk to the person that you interact with the most in your workplace. It would be best to schedule these kind of meetings separately with people so it won't come off as an ambush. Once you reveal your concerns, you will find out soon enough how the discussion goes on how you feel afterwards. If you are left at all feeling like the person does not see eye-to-eye with you or if you feel like the conversation didn't go anywhere, then the next thing to decide is if you would like to continue in that specific workplace. If so, and if the situation continues to get worse, you may want to consider taking your concerns to upper management and move up the chain if need be. It could also help to have a mediator iron out any inequalities in the workplace or any other unfairness you may be experiencing.
Solution B:
If you are the type of person who does not care to maintain civil/good working relationships, and if you would rather bury yourself in your work (especially if you are good and passionate about your job); then even though others are complainers, etc.; you can learn to master the art of not letting anything adverse affect your work! Thus you may continue to ignore everyone bringing you grief for as long as you can handle it or until another promotion lands your way.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While there may be other possible solutions to each scenario, the solutions offered may help one develop peace of mind, if that is ultimately what is desired. Through my life, I've gone through phases as either an avoider or confronter. If you are a confronter, it helps to have genuine & diplomatic ways of presenting concerns. We are allowed to pick and choose the one that contributes most to our well-being. It would be great to hear other takes on the matter, so don't be shy to add comments!
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Family vs. Friends
Here's to Day 7 of 2020!
The following post was inspired by the question "What do I do when my family is not supportive of a decision I believe in but my friends are?"
Without going into too much detail; I feel like I too have gone through similar situations in life where I feel like it would be easier if my family and friends would see eye-to-eye and understand/respect my choices in life. I realized that it's not always going to be the case, so what resonates with me lately are questions I can ask myself in cases like these. For example:
1) What choice will I be able to live with?
2) What matters to me most of all?
3) What will I not look back and regret?
4) If I had a future daughter or son going through this same thing, what would my advice be to him/her?
By answering those questions, we will find answers and know what to do. However, if we answer those questions honestly and don't follow our own advice, we should ask ourselves why not? Why wouldn't we follow the very thing that we would advise those we love? Once one can face these truths will one really learn about oneself.
Basically in the end, the choice is yours, whether you want to follow your friends or family's advice. I am a firm believer in following what our instincts yell at us and probably become "louder" in time. We all have answers within, we all just might need a little guidance getting to what we know we need to do.
The following post was inspired by the question "What do I do when my family is not supportive of a decision I believe in but my friends are?"
Without going into too much detail; I feel like I too have gone through similar situations in life where I feel like it would be easier if my family and friends would see eye-to-eye and understand/respect my choices in life. I realized that it's not always going to be the case, so what resonates with me lately are questions I can ask myself in cases like these. For example:
1) What choice will I be able to live with?
2) What matters to me most of all?
3) What will I not look back and regret?
4) If I had a future daughter or son going through this same thing, what would my advice be to him/her?
By answering those questions, we will find answers and know what to do. However, if we answer those questions honestly and don't follow our own advice, we should ask ourselves why not? Why wouldn't we follow the very thing that we would advise those we love? Once one can face these truths will one really learn about oneself.
Basically in the end, the choice is yours, whether you want to follow your friends or family's advice. I am a firm believer in following what our instincts yell at us and probably become "louder" in time. We all have answers within, we all just might need a little guidance getting to what we know we need to do.
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
How do I choose the right major?
Majors are typically selected in high school when applying to college and my best guess (based on what I'm told) is that some of the popular reasons majors are chosen are due to where the jobs are, or based on what subjects students have excelled in, along with what parents or adult mentors have encouraged applicants to pursue. While those considerations can be factored in, I'll leave some points that I've shared with first year students...
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Whether you are undeclared or declared, even though there is no one-size-fits all answer for everyone, here are a few questions to help guide you when deciding if the major you selected is still suited for you or if you are exploring another major/option:
1) Are you enjoying the courses?
2) Do you wish to learn more in this field of study?
3) Is the subject matter engaging and are you learning the material?
4) Can you envision yourself as a professor in this area or in industry?
(Or do you see yourself pursuing a career with this major?)
5) Have you met with a counselor in your major department or major of interest?
6) Are there enough resources for when you are having trouble with the material?
7) Are the Faculty and Teaching Assistants supportive?
Based on your individual answers to the above, if the responses you have are mostly positive ones, start to think about making a plan to declare the major. In most 4 year universities, this process is done before or by your 3rd year of study.
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Please note that many people don't end up in professions that link up directly with what they major in, so try not to stress too much on selecting a major. Once you've set your mind on a major, a multitude of experiences and options can open up for you and as long as you continue doing what you love to do, you can't go wrong!
------------------------------------------------------
Whether you are undeclared or declared, even though there is no one-size-fits all answer for everyone, here are a few questions to help guide you when deciding if the major you selected is still suited for you or if you are exploring another major/option:
1) Are you enjoying the courses?
2) Do you wish to learn more in this field of study?
3) Is the subject matter engaging and are you learning the material?
4) Can you envision yourself as a professor in this area or in industry?
(Or do you see yourself pursuing a career with this major?)
5) Have you met with a counselor in your major department or major of interest?
6) Are there enough resources for when you are having trouble with the material?
7) Are the Faculty and Teaching Assistants supportive?
Based on your individual answers to the above, if the responses you have are mostly positive ones, start to think about making a plan to declare the major. In most 4 year universities, this process is done before or by your 3rd year of study.
--------------------------------------------------------
Please note that many people don't end up in professions that link up directly with what they major in, so try not to stress too much on selecting a major. Once you've set your mind on a major, a multitude of experiences and options can open up for you and as long as you continue doing what you love to do, you can't go wrong!
Monday, December 9, 2019
Relationships
A recurring theme lately has been in the realm of relationships. But first, I will start with a disclaimer just in case critics argue that I'm no expert. And why would anyone listen to me? To that I will agree, I'm no expert. As I often say in person as well as in my responses, everything I have to offer is based on my experiences and what I've observed in society all around me at least in these 43 years of existence; thus everything I have to say may be taken with a grain of salt. I will say though that after a number of trying relationships, I honestly feel like I married my match, someone who offers mutual respect, friendship and love; so if that doesn't count, move on...
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A few questions posed to me on this subject are as follows: [Note, each have specified having monogamous relationships]:
1. Do I have a right to be upset at someone who led me on?
2. How do I get my partner to understand my boundaries?
3. How do I navigate conflict when 2 people have different approaches to conflict?
Let's take the first question. Of course we all have a right to our own feelings. And my best advice is to get to the root of the matter. For example, I asked:
What has led you to believe you were led on?
Did you both define your relationship?
Have you had honest conversations about this definition and your expectations about the relationship?
Typically the answer has been "No, but the other person should have known." or "It doesn't have to be defined, I can tell by how he/she treats me that we should be exclusive." So then the response to the first question becomes, no, if you assume things, then you don't have a right to be upset. It's probably been overused, but people aren't mind-readers, so if you are upset about something you haven't even discussed, it's most likely a wasted investment of emotions in my book.
To answer the 2nd question, it seems quite simple. Communicate how you feel to your partner. If speaking to them in person doesn't seem to do the trick, write them an email or handwritten letter and give it to them. Typically their response to how you feel determines the tone of how the relationship will go. More often than not, people won't do any of these actions and become stuck in a cycle of letting certain things go and then getting upset again. I've noticed it in the ones who decide to ask me advice in person.
When in this kind of situation, the questions one could ask is: 1) Do I value myself enough to end this relationship/friendship and move on to ones more meaningful? If the honest answer is no, then that may be why people stay in these kind of relationships either just for kicks or because perhaps they don't want to take the chance & move on. Or they found a greater reason than valuing themselves to stay.
Tackling that 3rd question requires that both parties are willing to work with each others differences in how they approach conflict. Everyone is raised differently, which makes people shaped a certain way, thus not everyone can be the same especially in handling conflict.
Once they truly understand and love each other and agree to be together in a healthy way, they should both step back and ask each other how they are actually going to change certain behaviors to accommodate the other person? If the topic of change makes one cringe and the other person feels more like "Can't they just deal with how I am? This is how I am and I won't change for anyone!" If that's the response, then I'm not exactly sure how this type of relationship is going to work. It will work if the other person is truly and honestly OK with 'dealing' with the other. And believe me, I've seen this type of relationship also--although sometimes with the complaints they tend to have in the future, I tend to wonder if they are truly happy. For this type to work, one can't expect the other to change until they are ready (or perhaps never at all.) It's up to whoever may be complaining to accept the other person wholeheartedly.
Basically we all have a choice of who we want to be with and around. To say that we don't does not sound like a person who has weighed all options, or if they have, they may be afraid of stepping out or being alone. To those types of individuals, I do challenge them to envision what if their lives end tomorrow? Would they not regret their choices of today? If so, why wait any longer if today is our last day? I tend to ask such grim questions because it's my goal to help those who need a nudge to finding their own inner voice. Because I believe that we all have the answers within and know what to do. It's a matter of stepping outside our comfort zones and into the unknown to where we can find our joy.
And that's how I will end today's post. Choose something joyful daily and you may find more joyous happenstances your way.
------------------------------------
A few questions posed to me on this subject are as follows: [Note, each have specified having monogamous relationships]:
1. Do I have a right to be upset at someone who led me on?
2. How do I get my partner to understand my boundaries?
3. How do I navigate conflict when 2 people have different approaches to conflict?
Let's take the first question. Of course we all have a right to our own feelings. And my best advice is to get to the root of the matter. For example, I asked:
What has led you to believe you were led on?
Did you both define your relationship?
Have you had honest conversations about this definition and your expectations about the relationship?
Typically the answer has been "No, but the other person should have known." or "It doesn't have to be defined, I can tell by how he/she treats me that we should be exclusive." So then the response to the first question becomes, no, if you assume things, then you don't have a right to be upset. It's probably been overused, but people aren't mind-readers, so if you are upset about something you haven't even discussed, it's most likely a wasted investment of emotions in my book.
To answer the 2nd question, it seems quite simple. Communicate how you feel to your partner. If speaking to them in person doesn't seem to do the trick, write them an email or handwritten letter and give it to them. Typically their response to how you feel determines the tone of how the relationship will go. More often than not, people won't do any of these actions and become stuck in a cycle of letting certain things go and then getting upset again. I've noticed it in the ones who decide to ask me advice in person.
When in this kind of situation, the questions one could ask is: 1) Do I value myself enough to end this relationship/friendship and move on to ones more meaningful? If the honest answer is no, then that may be why people stay in these kind of relationships either just for kicks or because perhaps they don't want to take the chance & move on. Or they found a greater reason than valuing themselves to stay.
Tackling that 3rd question requires that both parties are willing to work with each others differences in how they approach conflict. Everyone is raised differently, which makes people shaped a certain way, thus not everyone can be the same especially in handling conflict.
Once they truly understand and love each other and agree to be together in a healthy way, they should both step back and ask each other how they are actually going to change certain behaviors to accommodate the other person? If the topic of change makes one cringe and the other person feels more like "Can't they just deal with how I am? This is how I am and I won't change for anyone!" If that's the response, then I'm not exactly sure how this type of relationship is going to work. It will work if the other person is truly and honestly OK with 'dealing' with the other. And believe me, I've seen this type of relationship also--although sometimes with the complaints they tend to have in the future, I tend to wonder if they are truly happy. For this type to work, one can't expect the other to change until they are ready (or perhaps never at all.) It's up to whoever may be complaining to accept the other person wholeheartedly.
Basically we all have a choice of who we want to be with and around. To say that we don't does not sound like a person who has weighed all options, or if they have, they may be afraid of stepping out or being alone. To those types of individuals, I do challenge them to envision what if their lives end tomorrow? Would they not regret their choices of today? If so, why wait any longer if today is our last day? I tend to ask such grim questions because it's my goal to help those who need a nudge to finding their own inner voice. Because I believe that we all have the answers within and know what to do. It's a matter of stepping outside our comfort zones and into the unknown to where we can find our joy.
And that's how I will end today's post. Choose something joyful daily and you may find more joyous happenstances your way.
Friday, December 6, 2019
What to do with negative thoughts
Inspiration of this post comes from questions such as "What if I fail?" "I'm not doing well and want to give up." "What will my parents think if I don't graduate?" or "I don't know how to stop my thoughts from thinking negative;" "I just worry a lot." along with similar questions and statements. So the following is what I have learned to do from my lifetime of being in that kind of headspace once upon a time.
Firstly, if you find yourself in this kind of predicament, I have some tips for those willing to try.
The very second the negative thought enters the brain, try to interrupt the idea immediately with maybe pinching herself and saying "No!" out loud. Or try other things to interrupt the thought if any doubts continue. For example, as soon as one hears "what if..." followed by something bad, try physically shaking the head quickly side to side and say "no" out loud followed by smiling and looking up at the ceiling or doing something silly. I realize this may sound funny however I highly encouraged anyone who is open to trying it out(along with anything else one might find out of the ordinary like hopping on one foot and saying things like "STOP" "NOT NOW" or even "NEVER AGAIN" and to use try and use these techniques--not only regarding grades and failing--but also anything that one may encounter in life. Once a person continues to interrupt the grim outlook with the most bizarre ideas, try replacing the grim thought with a positive outlook and a plan of action on how to move forward.
To take one earlier example question, such as “what if I fail?” into consideration—Remember, after immediately carrying out a sudden behavior change to stop that kind of thinking, one can replace it with thoughts like “How can I learn from this experience?” “What do I really want and what am I willing to do to get there?” “Who is the best person that I can reach out to for help?” “Do I love what I am doing?” Once one has answers to a few of these, the actions taken are more proactive versus falling back into a pattern of negative mind dialogues.
If readers recall, I last wrote about feeling stuck and having a back up plan--this idea is also related.
One idea I have advised students in my day job who tend to feel that they have already tried going to their professor and TA multiple times and still feel that they are not learning the material--instead of thinking negative thoughts, break the pattern and go seek advice from your department counselor as they may have supplemental tutoring resources you may not know of. It's always worth a try!
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Side note: After giving this advice, I imagine some might wonder how I came up with the idea of interrupting a debilitating thought. I honestly can't remember just one source. Through my life after college, I read some books such as Wayne Dyer's "The Power of Intention," "There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem," and "Wishes Fulfilled," to name a few. I also remember that in days where I was sad and going through life challenges (my early 20s), a friend gave me some of his CDs by Tony Robbin's called something like Personal Power in 10 days and I applied some of his methods to my life. Combined with listening to lectures on PBS or whatever self-help I've resonated with, I know that interrupting my thoughts and replacing them with proactive useful ideas over the years have helped train my brain not to stay stuck in the downward spiral for long. I notice that it also helps to have a great support network--whether they are family or friends. One good person is all it takes to help inspire us to be better people and not fall into the negative mind trap.
-------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer--Remember this is one tool to try, based on what has happened to me in my life. If one is clinically depressed, it takes a professional to diagnose and treat such a condition. There are multiple resources for mental health, so it's best to do more research and find the best possible option for oneself.
Firstly, if you find yourself in this kind of predicament, I have some tips for those willing to try.
The very second the negative thought enters the brain, try to interrupt the idea immediately with maybe pinching herself and saying "No!" out loud. Or try other things to interrupt the thought if any doubts continue. For example, as soon as one hears "what if..." followed by something bad, try physically shaking the head quickly side to side and say "no" out loud followed by smiling and looking up at the ceiling or doing something silly. I realize this may sound funny however I highly encouraged anyone who is open to trying it out(along with anything else one might find out of the ordinary like hopping on one foot and saying things like "STOP" "NOT NOW" or even "NEVER AGAIN" and to use try and use these techniques--not only regarding grades and failing--but also anything that one may encounter in life. Once a person continues to interrupt the grim outlook with the most bizarre ideas, try replacing the grim thought with a positive outlook and a plan of action on how to move forward.
To take one earlier example question, such as “what if I fail?” into consideration—Remember, after immediately carrying out a sudden behavior change to stop that kind of thinking, one can replace it with thoughts like “How can I learn from this experience?” “What do I really want and what am I willing to do to get there?” “Who is the best person that I can reach out to for help?” “Do I love what I am doing?” Once one has answers to a few of these, the actions taken are more proactive versus falling back into a pattern of negative mind dialogues.
If readers recall, I last wrote about feeling stuck and having a back up plan--this idea is also related.
One idea I have advised students in my day job who tend to feel that they have already tried going to their professor and TA multiple times and still feel that they are not learning the material--instead of thinking negative thoughts, break the pattern and go seek advice from your department counselor as they may have supplemental tutoring resources you may not know of. It's always worth a try!
-----------------------------------------------------
Side note: After giving this advice, I imagine some might wonder how I came up with the idea of interrupting a debilitating thought. I honestly can't remember just one source. Through my life after college, I read some books such as Wayne Dyer's "The Power of Intention," "There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem," and "Wishes Fulfilled," to name a few. I also remember that in days where I was sad and going through life challenges (my early 20s), a friend gave me some of his CDs by Tony Robbin's called something like Personal Power in 10 days and I applied some of his methods to my life. Combined with listening to lectures on PBS or whatever self-help I've resonated with, I know that interrupting my thoughts and replacing them with proactive useful ideas over the years have helped train my brain not to stay stuck in the downward spiral for long. I notice that it also helps to have a great support network--whether they are family or friends. One good person is all it takes to help inspire us to be better people and not fall into the negative mind trap.
-------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer--Remember this is one tool to try, based on what has happened to me in my life. If one is clinically depressed, it takes a professional to diagnose and treat such a condition. There are multiple resources for mental health, so it's best to do more research and find the best possible option for oneself.
Monday, December 2, 2019
What graduate program is right for you?
In today's society, I encounter a few who would rather be told what to do versus search within. Today's question was inspired by someone who was hoping I would have the answer, but instead, I came up with questions to help this person figure out what they truly wanted.
Since the concern was regarding graduate school, here are questions that can be helpful.
1.What is your goal in attaining a post-degree?
2.What are you interested in learning?
3.What are you excited about applying to?
4.Why do you want this program over another program?
5.Will this program make you happy?
6. Can you afford it on your own?
7. Did you do your research?
8. Did you prepare/are you ready?
9. How does this program prepare you for you future (career) goals?
After responding to the above questions, one can also create a back up plan in case your first choice of a graduate program does not pan out. Since I don't expect one can put all their eggs in one basket so to speak, so I also suggest one make another back-up to the original back-up plan. I always feel there should be at least 2-3 back-up plans to fall upon, with those or similar questions as the guide each time. I'm sure there are other questions that can be asked to help steer us in the right direction, but for now, I'm leaving them here as tools for the cyber-world!
Till next time...
Since the concern was regarding graduate school, here are questions that can be helpful.
1.What is your goal in attaining a post-degree?
2.What are you interested in learning?
3.What are you excited about applying to?
4.Why do you want this program over another program?
5.Will this program make you happy?
6. Can you afford it on your own?
7. Did you do your research?
8. Did you prepare/are you ready?
9. How does this program prepare you for you future (career) goals?
After responding to the above questions, one can also create a back up plan in case your first choice of a graduate program does not pan out. Since I don't expect one can put all their eggs in one basket so to speak, so I also suggest one make another back-up to the original back-up plan. I always feel there should be at least 2-3 back-up plans to fall upon, with those or similar questions as the guide each time. I'm sure there are other questions that can be asked to help steer us in the right direction, but for now, I'm leaving them here as tools for the cyber-world!
Till next time...
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