The question came in after a person with little to no social skills applied for a position but did not get the offer.
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Before we dive into the advice, it's always best to define what it means to have social skills. According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, social skills are "a set of learned abilities that enable an individual to interact competently and appropriately in a given social context." Additionally, social skills " are used to communicate with others daily in a variety of ways including verbal, nonverbal, and written..." as quoted here: Career Guide So, let's next presume the advice will be more for those who show a lack of these traits.
The idea that pops into my head when I am asked these kinds of questions is that "We all start from somewhere." Thus in this case, if there is something a person is interested in career-wise and would like to pursue it, yet there might be a responsibility they have never applied before or may have very little experience in, then I think as long as you are willing to learn it, there will always be a starting point. So, if one has little to no social skills while also recognizing it, that same person has to be willing to take the first step at cultivating it.
Otherwise if there is no motivation to grow that skill or social skills are not one's strong suit, then one advice would be to find a job that will not require social skills at all or will require less of it. For example, if a job requires a person to answer phones but that is not something an individual would like to do, then seek another job that does not have answering phones as a requirement. This person may want to opt for email correspondence instead. However, I think it's practical to keep in mind that even if you find a job that has all your ideal duties, you would still need to showcase your best social skills during the interview. (Please refer to my previous post on careers for resources such as Interview tips: Career tips continued)
Having been in the workforce for several years and in different positions since 1994; it's difficult for me to imagine a job without any social skills. I think we still need some amount of social skills to maintain a cooperative and sustainable work environment. Even if a job requires your full focus, such as coding all day--there will be times you need to communicate to someone about your work. But if anyone has found a way to sustain a living without speaking/communicating to anyone--then I would be curious to know and perhaps other readers too--any feedback about what job requires absolutely no communication.
With this idea in mind though, I highly encourage folks who want to develop this skill to start somewhere. If you haven't begun this journey, I invite you to start now. I think the best time to start 'planting seeds' of social skills should perhaps have began immediately after infancy. But if that was not the case, I think it would be helpful if teachers as early as preschool, elementary and junior high/middle school school administrators continue the motivation to develop these skills. But if you are reading this now and feeling like you went through your your entire school life without having a chance to join anything, it's not too late. If you are reading and you are in junior high or high school, try joining a club that interests you or a team sport could be a good starting point.
If you consider yourself shy or introverted and finished high school without the opportunity to start any type of club or sport, I believe the next chance you may have to develop social skills is in college if you decide to go to one. But if you are a high school graduate who does not want to explore college or post college who has not yet taken any of these steps, you can try researching organizations in your community that you would like to volunteer for. It's best to volunteer for an organization that you believe in and are passionate about or try to look for internships that you are qualified for. Once you join these kinds of groups, social skills can grow naturally through time.
A buddy of mine recently reminded me that if you find yourself out of college and still have not made any connections, it's still not too late to develop these skills. While the task may be more challenging as we age, as long as there is a yearning within to prosper, there's always room to grow. Some resources you may want to look for in your area (if they still exist) are groups like Toastmasters, or other meet up groups that inspire you.
Some countering feedback I've received when I give the advice I've outlined above--are along the lines of "But it's easier said than done;" or "Can't I just get a job through a referral?" So to those questions, I'd respond with, If you are willing to develop your social skills, you'll need a great amount of patience. Everyone has their own pace to get where they need to be. It can also be a time for others to recognize the traits that they could work well with. And If you are lucky enough to get a job through a referral, kudos to you! However that option is not always available to everyone. But it could be possible if you improve on your social skills and learn to network with the right people.
While I recognize that not everyone has the desire to join a club or sports team, etc. or has the drive to volunteer for anything and might prefer an easier path in life, please know that nothing is guaranteed and that social skills aren't 'grown' overnight. However, to those who may feel (a bit) frustrated at their situation, I invite you to think about these questions:
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1) How would you describe your ideal job?
2) Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone?
3) Are you ready for change?
4) If you change nothing, are you happy with your career choice or lack of one right now?
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The response to question # 1 should help provide guidance on what careers you could be seeking. Please see my previous post: Career post on careers for guidance on what next steps you can take. To reinforce what I have explained before--find the people, or workplaces that are your ideal role-models and seek further advice from them ☺☺☺
If you answered "no" to any or all of the questions from 2-4, you may need further professional help to dig deeper on why it is you are unwilling to change anything about your life and expect some kind of profitable/beneficial outcome. My advice is geared to those who answered "yes" to either or both of questions 2 & 3. If this is you, my hope is that you are proactive in the steps I have outlined to get you where you need to be. Feel free to also look back on this post: More career tips (Even though it was written for and during covid, a lot of it still applies.)
And to those who may have answered "no" to either 2 & 3 but "yes" to 4, then there's nothing further I would advise you to do because it sounds like you've found your happy place without having to change!
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As always, I hope whoever needed this advice receives the direction they needed. If you have other questions, feel free to write them in the comments or send them here: Anonymous Questions for the next round of life advice!
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